Belial87's Journal, 10 Jul 20

I am too ashamed to speak to them. I ran away from hospital after i got picked up from home. I'm safe now but feel so lost, empty and alone.  

Yeah I live alone. My mental health meant I was in hospital.  

I have told my sister but I can't tell my parents. I can't upset them.  

Maybe I will later. But now i don't have the capacity to explain to them that their youngest daughter is not well.... Again. 

Belial I've been through a very similar situation from reading your comments! Your not alone and you will get better, you got this 💪 Dont worry about upsetting your parents that's short term, they will want you better and to have the help you need. Talk any time  

Belial you're not alone, try and find the courage to reach out. I bet your parents love you very much and would want to know and be there to help you. I know if it were someone I love, I would absolutely want an opportunity to be there and support. Perhaps you are judging yourself far more than others would. Hang in there. Nothing stays the same, everything changes and all things pass eventually. Sending much love x 

Gilly i am 32. My mum isn't able to cope with things. Her mum killed herself so hearing how her daughter has tried to do the same will break her. My dad wont know what to do. Ive spoken to my elder sister but i just feel so alone. My boyfriendverbally abused me for being in this state and used phyaical force against me so i have lost him from my life now. I'm sorry i know here isnt the place for this, I didn't know where else to turn.  

Aww bless, hope you feel brighter about things soon, from reading these replies you already have an amazing community of friends supporting you with brilliant advice. If it helps at all, try writing down 3 things that either, make you smile or made you happy before and keep that as your main focus for whenever you feel low. Try listening to music just now that makes you happy and listen to it tonight when going to sleep and again when you get up, it's amazing how uplifting it can be x x  

Haha ohhhh so many, was a rocker back in the day but love all kinds of music now ..... But what always takes me to a happy place is Bon Jovi, my first concert as a 15yr old girl, what about you Gilly?  

Aunty Gilly is making a lot of sense belial. There is support out there. I'm guessing you may have had experience in the past of the Crisis team, although not perfect they are there when people are feeling desperate. The Samaritans are always there as well, just a phone call away. Take a deep breath and pick up the phone. Someone will be there to listen without judgement for as long as you need, and stay up with you all night if that is where you are at. It is a scary place to be, when you feel so alone, but know that you are not, and you can reach out x 

It's always darkest before the dawn. Chin up. ♥️ 

Fab choice Gilly and perfectly uplifting x x 

Belial87, I wish I were close by to give you a cuddle. I agree with everything Gilly said. Sending you much love. ❤️ 

Thank you all so much. Sorry i stop responding I was exhausted and fell asleep. Im sorru to bring my darkness into your lives but i rrally appreciate everything thats been said. I have spoken to a friend who bless her has been up with me for 4hrs. We are now zooming and watching anime. So with all your wonderful messages and her company i feel a lot more centered. I will check in tomorrow with you all but I am past the worst for now and I will be here tomorrow.  

Glad you spoke to a friend. We are all here for you on this app. If you ever want to talk id be more than happy to give you my number. Just remember your not alone. 😘❤️❤️❤️ 

I'm so glad you managed to speak to a friend, they seem like a great friend too! Dont feel guilty about offloading your feelings, see how much people wanted to support you. The problem with mental health is it makes you feel like your not worth anything but this thread below and the amount of support from people shows it's not true, it's just the grip your condition has on you. You did the right thing, it's hard to do so well done!  

Spot on meggs, and very pleased you're feeling a little better today belial😘 x 

We all here for you!  

Brilliant Belial, what an amazing friend you have talking through the night via Zoom and look at all the love and support on here, FS have some very special souls 😇 ❤️..... Keep being You...... Because your great, Keep Reaching out when needed, in dark times and not so dark times too...... There is NEVER a wrong time to ask for support, doing that shows you have the strength from within already but we all just need a little help from friends to build on that. Your amazing and always remember that. 💜💜 

Belial well done for reaching out - keep doing so, in whatever way you need to, to get some support. There is absolutely no shame in seeking support with mental health issues - if you were injured/unwell/in an emergency from a physical health perspective, you wouldn't hesitate to seek help. Mental ill-health is no different. I hope you are feeling a little more grounded today x