Well, you folks who claim to like my writing are in for a treat today. This got long. You folks who don’t like my long journals, well, there’s a picture of a pretty burger at the end. So there’s that.
But for today I’m just writing without editing so you get a glimpse of how my brain functions. Proceed with caution.
I made a staggering mental connection yesterday. But considering the climate around here lately I’ll start with the disclaimer.
Yes, I am an adult with the freedom to choose. I’m actually an adult … cubed? I’m a grandparent so that’s adult x 3. I think that’s the right term. Dang. My math teacher was right when she said I would need this stuff later in life.
Anyhoo … I was rearranging some very heavy boxes in storage yesterday and I had a flashback from my childhood right out of the blue.
The memory was my Grandmother saying, “Well, if you have THAT much extra energy, why don’t you go out and … “ at that point some assigned and generally unpleasant chore would follow. Weed the garden, mop the kitchen, paint the barn. You get the picture.
Sure, as an adult, these chores just come with the job description. But to a child of 6 or 7 years old… it’s a PUNISHMENT.
Point? I am convinced THIS is why I don’t associate energy and exercise.
I think THIS is why I naturally think “hey, I’ve got a little energy today - I think I’ll ….” and that’s when I go clean, mop, move, rearrange, etc.
I’m convinced THIS is why I don’t mind walking MILES as long as there is a destination or to complete an errand but logging the same distance on a treadmill (although I have a huge, very pricey but extremely dusty one sitting ignored in my studio) seems counter-productive.
I’m convinced THIS is why I can move a stack of heavy boxes from one side of the room to the other but the thought of standing still in a room and lifting bar-bells seems, again, counter-productive.
Because it was this, the evidence of moving for the sake of moving or being active for the sake of activity that resulted in a sort of punishment. Being assigned a chore because I’d been too active.
This may not seem like much to you but it was a total ‘eureka’ moment for me.
Now, what to do with this connection? I’m going to sit with it a minute. I’m going to start trying to connect ‘moving more’ without having a ‘specific purpose’.
But I’m an old dog. This will take some time. Hey, I have the rest of my life, right?
Okay, in all fairness, I get that many of my journals read like I am a complete sloth. I am not. I am an active standing, reaching, walking, climbing, lifting person. I may record my daily activity as sleeping 24/7 but we all know that isn’t true because, hey, you’re reading my journal right? So obviously I’m awake long enough to write. And eat. You see that I’m awake long enough to eat, right?
Oh! Speaking of sleep… I did it!!!! I slept last night. Good sleep. Deep sleep. Like, maybe ten hours of sleep with only one brief awake period. Sure, it was chemically managed but still, hallelujah!
And (squirrel - this is Blondie’s code word for me for when I get distracted and move onto a different topic without warning ) I dreamed a ‘movie of the week’. It wasn’t anything ground shattering original but it involved Cutty, marital discord, the other woman, and killing someone. There was also a live play in New York. So, if I ever finish THIS journal I may try to go write that out.
And the most tragic part of the dreams was that I went to the doctor and weighed in at 235lbs.
No, nothing wrong with that number and when I was at 264lbs I would have been happy to see it but at this time it would have indicated a massive gain overnight - so there’s the tragic part. Calm down.
So obviously, the thought of this mornings weigh in (199.20!!) after the massive water retention this week was heavy on my mind. Get it? Heavy. Hahahah.
But, let’s see if I can drag my ADHD brain back to topic. I feel the mystery of ‘why doesn’t Bella want to exercise’ has finally been solved.
And, well, I’ll just toss this out for the heck of it .. for the sake of the children, hahaha.
Be MINDFUL of what you say and how you say it to young, easily influenced minds. Because, heaven forbid, they end up like me.
That’s all. For now.
Okay, I lied. Dinner last night. Blondie & I walked across the street and had a burger. I subbed the salad for fries (and need to remember to tell them ‘blue cheese on the side’ next time because this I’m not a fan of my salad being drenched in dressing). And I removed the bun & ate the burger with the salad.
If you’ve seen me rambling endlessly on Moopie’s journal trying to explore the theory (Diablo's theory too) about ‘spending your calories wisely - you’ll understand why I had a dinner out right on the heels of the soup & garlic rolls the night before.
Two dinner’s out back to back? Am I just asking for weight regain?
No. I’m not. Or wasn’t. My grammar teacher was right when he told me I’d need this stuff someday.
I’m trying to move ‘burgers’ out of the ‘special, fun money’ (seriously - go read her journal after this - it makes more sense there) column. I’m trying to stop treating it like a ‘oh, no, this burger is going to cause me to go off my Woe, trigger me to overeat, can’t be a part of my regular way of life.’
So, burger it was. Better choices without the fries (except for that flood of dressing that had to be scraped off) and removed the bun because I didn’t need that much bread after the garlic roll.
So, point? Burger mystery solved. And for that person who was mean last week and said ‘for F’s sake, a burger is just a burger’ - well, if you’re still around with a different name because FS deleted your foul mouthed profile… this is my ‘burger’ explanation.
That’s it. I’m really done. Go on now.
