Weird Wednesday ~ that four day weekend still has me turned around. Good. I need a little brain shake up now and then. And I need to clear some things from my little old head so this is a long journal. Read, don't read, all up to you. I just appreciate you stopping by to visit with me.
Well, the hot air balloon ride is off. The Pilot called this morning. 'Too windy again, need to reschedule but have openings tomorrow night' and ... I just considered this second cancellation a sign. Not sure of what.. as I know it is risky. Maybe that this isn't the one for me? Maybe I'll wait until the fall and go to the big one in Albuquerque ~ it falls on Cutty's BD and I'll celebrate that way.
So I'm glad I did take Blondie to the Aquarium, lunch and carriage ride on Saturday instead of just sitting home on my BD waiting, desperate, for this. I feel like I had a great weekend all around and .. that's that.
All things Food? Recovered yesterday ~ like the weekend never happened. Yay. I know this may read as if I'm in denial but I think I'm finally making peace with myself on this weight thing. NOW if I can JUST hold onto this feeling for 24 hours and then wake up tomorrow and do it all over again. What I hate is when the following happens. It's not the end of my journal today - I guess it's just a commercial, LOL.
Right now I'm craving home cooked turnip greens. I consider that a good thing that I'm craving THAT instead of this. This was the free BD cake I got at the Vintage Room. It's a bad pic w/a cell phone in low lights... but you can still taste that cream filling, can't you?
Amazing it was. I considered myself Amazing that I didn't feel the need to try to eat the whole thing as I would have two years ago. Nor did I stare at it with horror and regret as I would have a year ago. Am I finally growing UP?
Sure, I know by a medical chart and runway model standards I am still considered overweight. But I'm healthy. I move. Stand. Walk. Even trot a little now and then. I can lift, bend, kneel, dig and get off the floor without using a chair to pull myself up.
I had a fabulous massage last night and as I meditated and reflected I realized it's been months since I woke up with my hands throbbing in pain and numbness. It's working. I can stand and walk without limping. The food, the meditation, massage, moving more.. it's all a combination of working for the better. Not perfect. Just progress. But three years ago the suggested 'cure' was surgery. Two years ago the doc wanted to put me on meds for blood sugar and cholesterol. I'm so glad I said NO. I'm so grateful my body responded to my healing attempts.
I think THIS is the part of this weight loss, healthy living journey I'm truly being able to appreciate. The combination of MINDfulness and EWYL and just generally trying to LOVE myself for who and what I am today. Not tomorrow or next month when I lose another 10lbs. I love that my lab reports are healthy and I'm moving and I have a great life. Whenever I sit out here (the chaise is new - my BD present to myself purchased with some of my casino winnings this weekend)
I reflect how fortunate I am. My body has taken so much abuse from me and it's still here, kicking butt and taking names. I look around at people my age who's health is worse. Either from not caring, not trying, or just not able to overcome whatever is going on. NO, I don't believe every illness a person has is the result of weight. But I do know for ME, some were. The ripple effect of weight not making me want to move and not moving just making me want to eat and not finding anything else to do making food my entertainment and then back at square one of not wanting to move because of the weight. And the pain. So much pain because my body hurt trying to carry it all. I'm not skinny, but I can still work on this:
and this:
even though this meme was probably created for me:
Oh, speaking of health... on the elevator this weekend a woman asked about Mushy, "Is that a SERVICE dog?' I answered, 'Yes Ma'am'... I love flashing that badge whenever some uniformed person approaches me 'Excuse, me Ma'am but...' and I know the question is following. Anyway .. the passenger on the elevator asked 'So what's wrong with you?'
Seriously. I straightened my back, looked her in the face and asked, to be sure I'd heard her correctly...'What's WRONG with ME?" She said 'Yeah." So I answered 'I freak out on elevators...' They got off at the next floor. Go figure!
More consideration of the mindfulness of living. When I went to the vintage fair last Friday the only thing I bought was a bar of soup. I was surrounded by 'stuff' and cute things and all but after putting so much into my home this winter ... I didn't feel I needed anything. I didn't feel the need to binge shop as I have in the past.
And when I went to the casino resort - I originally booked the presidential suite but then thought 'you know.. it IS only one night.. and you're NOT going to be there that much... why so much excess..... you saw where that DIDNT get you in San Antonio... remember? So I phoned back and booked just a regular suite. And it was fabulous. And I enjoyed the night all the same at a tenth of the cost.
So it's more than just food... this mindful living. How much is enough? How much do I need? What will satisfy my craving and what am I really WANTING? All things to consider as this weekend could have been a disaster.
If you haven't figured this out by now.. well, you're obviously very kind. I'm a compulsive. Binge eater, shopper, drinker and gambler. I am a 'feast or famine' personality and finding myself able to walk away from buying, eating, drinking and gambling BEFORE I am broke, sick, drunk and broke again... well, yeah, I'm happy.
One last thing. NOT hawking this as this isn't MY business nor do I get anything from it. Essential oils. I use them now and then. Peppermint helps me wake up. Lavendar definitely helps me with meditation. This morning I tried Rosemary and had been having trouble 'finding my logic' and it was like ZAP.. my brain finally turned on. Am waiting to try the sandlewood. I know there are some folks out htere insisting 'this is the best.. don't buy there... blah blah'... I get these at the health food store and so far so good. Just a thought.
And with that... I'll wrap this up. Bless all of you ~ those who read it all and those of you who read a little. I'm just happy to have the company. Hope you all have a good day.
Bella
