FullaBella's Journal, 17 Oct 13

Borrowing a quote from Ned Flanders: "Pull out your box of crayons and color me tickled pink."

Just when I began to suspect the Sunbeam was broken it displayed a 2lb loss today. It's either Karma's way of honoring my one year anniversary of joining Fat Secret or my body offering a ransom from the treadmill. 'Ok, ok, here's a loss, don't make me do that again, alright?'

Or it could have been that I doubled up on the chia seeds & yogurt for my snack last night and it helped me avoid the night stalker in addition to encouraging some things to 'move along'. Or maybe it was just freaking time. Geez, 90 days of no change pretty much set a record for my own personal history of inexplicable plateaus.

The sun is finally back but the morning was chilly. Even though I could have bundled up in the back yard with Mushy I returned to (cue celebratory music) the treadmill again; maybe my body will double the payoff. I imagine my muscles are holding at least another pound of water considering I'm pretty dang sore. While I do walk a lot and stand more than ever, I don't usually do it at 4mph for a solid half hour.

I painted last night; probably at least a month since I crossed that threshold. My art came out kind of 'murky' - blended and slight clouded colors serving as a fairly accurate indicator of my mood of late - but not bad. As a retired artist recently shared with me, "There is no bad art. There are just some people who can't appreciate your expression."

While painting I reflected back on the day and part of that included your journals, comments and posts. I found myself thinking about my friends here, wondered how they were doing, what they were doing, etc.

Point? I absolutely love that when I think about you all, it's not related only to food, wanting to eat or not eat, lose weight, etc. I just think of you as friends and we share our lives online and that does happen to include a focus on eating healthy and making peace with our cravings but it's so much more.

I've known several people in AA, NA, OA, etc., and 'some' of them have said they hate going to the meetings because being around the others reminds them of their own weakness and addiction. That could have been just their own take on things, I don't know. But coming here, I feel like I'm just hanging out with friends, sharing my story, being supported and encouraged and hopefully doing the same.

You've all taught me so much, especially related to enjoying food in moderation. I'd lost 25lbs 'my way' by the time I joined here. My way, if you're new reading, was starve, binge, purge, lather, rinse, repeat. Reading about 'everything in moderation' seemed strange. But it's worked.

How do I know? Because for breakfast this morning I had ham and onions sauteed in real butter with two whole eggs poached on top. I'd intended to have cheese but as a 'are you still able to measure accurately with your eyes' random pop quiz I had tossed the cheese on the scale ... yep, under an ounce, but forgot it. Didn't even notice it was missing until I found it while preparing DH's lunch.

Prior to joining here and you wonderful people helping me sort out the truth on real food versus processed, good fat versus propaganda, and good sustainable habits versus self-punishing madness, well... No way I'd have eaten a whole egg without feeling guilty, much less two. And real butter, are you freaking kidding me? It makes me sad to think of how many egg yolks I tossed down the sink during my prior two weight loss adventures. Or how I'd try to convince myself that egg white omlet with fat free cheese really tasted just as good as the real thing.

I still have more work to do. More automatic connections to disconnect. More healing. This is a wonderful place to do it. Thank you all so much.

Hope you're having a great day, my friends.

Bells

78.9 kg Lost so far: 50.3 kg.    Still to go: 0 kg.    Diet followed: Reasonably Well.