FullaBella's Journal, 15 Apr 13

Monday, Monday, Monday. A new week. A fresh start. Blah blah blahditty blah.

Give me back Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. Yesterday was filled with fabulous weather so I spent as much of it as possible at the church of Bella (my back yard) and tithing at the alter of Lowes.

Seriously, I shopped the entire weekend like I'd just won the lotto. I'm crazy frugal (translate: cheap!) so I rarely do that but you'd have thought someone had just revealed the expiration date on my life and my last wish was to die flat broke! I wasn't just shopping, I was Super Shopping!

Digging in my rose garden I piddled around mentally inbetween watching the birds and trying not to chop off my toes and thought about my super shopping in combination with super heros.

Oh, by the way, I FINALLY GOT BIRDS!! Yes, those chubby little chirpers are swooping in, grabbing goodies and making me smile. Even those big pigeons who are a little heavy for the feeder so they choose to clean up the overflow on the ground TAKING the grass with them (ugh) are nice to watch. A little nature in my life.

At first I named them 'The Marx Brothers' and then 'The Three Stooges' but it doesn't seem to matter what I name my finicky little feathered friends they always fly away when I try to pin their name badges on them. Dang.

But back to the super heros. Here's a few of mine:

Mighty Spouse: created a beautiful backyard her dear husband actually walked out to enjoy (first time he's been outside of his own volition in over a year) and labeled 'a little slice of heaven on earth' this morning. Took a little bow internally.

The Nibbler: managed not to melt down or or climb the soapbox of healthy eating when offered a 'breakfast burrito' at the golf tournament on Saturday; just accepted it graciously, nibbled around until no one was looking; ditched it, and moved on.

Brilliant Babe: queen of ingenuity and work arounds. Shepherd hooks 3 feet too short? You draw your own conclusions.

Karmakin - when the huge hen refused to roast as quickly as calculated I feared my plan to go to Lowes would fade as my Sunday shopping ambition has a very short shelf life. I muttered to Karma 'you owe me' ... and it repaid. When I returned with so many items it took 12 trips to unload the car Karma helped keep my dear husband napping. Had he been awake I'm sure some comments would have ensued.

The Queen of my Superhero's though is Rationale Woman. I know I should be sitting here in complete chagrin at paying triple digits for a pair of jeans but I'm not. I rationalize after seven months of thrift store jeans I deserved a pair of pricey jeans to celebrate my wearing...... wait for it .. size 10!

Okay.. settle down.. I really think this is a vanity sizing. Otherwise those thrift store denim shorts hanging in the closet would fit but even at size 16 they continue to elude me. It's just a number, just like that scale. The bottom line is they (the outrageously expensive jeans) are pretty. And soft. And I liked them.

Oh, speaking of the scale, I have determined despite going about my days as obtuse as possible to avoid having to recognize things that irritate me, I'm incapable of ignoring the 'weigh in now' link at the top of the fat secret website. Just can't do it. And continuing to record a fake weigh in is going to be confusing if I look back later and forget to check my journals for footnotes. It'll look like a big loss in a single week.

So starting yesterday I WILL weigh weekly to keep the FS Link Goddess happy. So today's weight is yesterday's weigh in; a real one. All those other weigh ins were cropping up because of the challenge updates.

I knew or felt I'd lost pounds and mass as the clothes were getting looser too. Obviously the scale agreed. So I am now 4lbs away from my 100lb loss goal reward of racing my grandson at go-karts.
Don't tell him though ~ I'm still stuffing him with cookies to get our weights closer to even; he still needs to pack on 5lbs while I lose my last 4lbs so I baked triple chunk chocolate cookies yesterday. 'Come here, sonny ... Nana's been baking...' That witch with the gingerbread house had nothing on me.

Food related? Of the things with which I still disagree from the mindful eating book the one I argued most and later converted has been so beneficial. I guess that's like a 'lesson learned' thing - it makes more sense than when we blindly follow along.

That would be the 'quantity' regardless of the 'quality'; i.e., not eating to 'over full' regardless of how healthy the food.

Oh, I'd argued. And rationalized. And argued some more. "Hey, there's nothing wrong with my 10 gallon salad .. it's all vegetables..never apologize for vegetables .. the body burns more calories processing them than they contain...." blah blah blah.

My powers to rationalize are indeed super heroic.

But once I finally accepted that to continue to eat to 'overfull' even when the consumption was healthy was setting myself up for repeated failure ~ it was as if someone finally replaced the bulb to the path of enlightenment.

I know I journaled about this 'aha moment' already but it's been a couple of months of 'living' it to recognize how instinctive the process is becoming.

When I am preparing my meals now I no longer start thinking 'how much can I have' ... I think 'how much do I want'.

Instead of thinking 'do I have room in my RDI' I think 'do I have room in my stomach?'

I realized I'll eat far fewer pistachios if I just take a few in my hand rather than eat to consume 'a suggested serving.' And if I've nibbled and sampled my way through the preparation of Sunday dinner, I don't need to prepare 'a real plate' for myself if I'm no longer hungry. Additionally, if that roasted fat skin of the chicken looks good, have it, as long as I'm eating to fulfill hunger.

Just be prepared to walk away from other shoppers quickly or clear the aisles as it seems the skin of a chicken causes gas. TMI?

Friday night an experience reinforced this process is working. I was physically 'cold' and when a hot shower didn't warm me I thought a bowl of hot oatmeal would even though I wasn't hungry - not by a long shot.

I was wrong. It made my stomach hurt until it I felt sick. Not guilt sick. Not remorse sick. Not, gee I blew my RDI sick. Physically sick.

Next time I'll remember to try a hot broth or hot water with lemon. It's obvious my body won't let me comfortably eat to being overfull like that anymore. Even when it's a healthy food.

In the past, whenever I was trying to lose weight and existed in a constant state of caloric deficit and restrictions along with the '10 gallon salad' mode, I'd resort to 'binge' whenever I felt I'd denied myself 'the other stuff' too long.

A purposeful binge was 'I'm going to eat everything fried, sweet, junk and fast food related I've been denying myself because I'm going to purge it.' I'd have eaten an entire pizza, half gallon of ice cream and whole package of cookies. And that would be just for starters. Half pound chocolate bars, with peanut butter icing come to mind, as memory serves. I gave a whole new meaning to devils food cake.

But now? There was pizza on the buffet at the golf tournament; no desire. If I'm denied nothing, I can't crave it with frustration. And after a couple of months of paying attention to the quantity and learning that my body really can't take that much at one feeding, I feel I have a handle on it. A grip in a way I've never felt before.

And that's a good thing. I need a catchy name for my 'Mindful Eating Super Hero'. Suggestions?

Bella

85.7 kg Lost so far: 43.5 kg.    Still to go: 4.1 kg.    Diet followed: Reasonably Well.

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1294 kcal

Fat: 55.55g | Prot: 101.52g | Carbs: 104.70g.   Breakfast: Bell Peppers, Libby's Crispy Sauerkraut, Baby Spinach, Onions, Bacon. Lunch: Chicken, Kraft Stove Top Chicken Flavor Stuffing Mix, Whole Wheat Bread, Chicken. Dinner: Tomatoes, Turkey Breast Meat, Libby's Crispy Sauerkraut, Baby Spinach, Onions, Cucumber (with Peel), Bell Peppers, Bacon, Sartori Merlot Bellavitano Cheese. Snacks/Other: Spectrum Chia Seeds, Spectrum Organic Ground Flaxseed, Cottage Cheese, Schwan's Triple Berry Blend, Cabot Lowfat 2% Greek-Style Yogurt - Plain. more...

1944 kcal

Exercise: Sleeping - 24 hours. more...