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March 11 Status Report, haha. Okay, first of all, thank you for continuing to indulge my absence as well as support and comment on my posts despite the glaring absence of reciprocity.
What can I say? I’m going through a selfish, narcissistic phase.
So here’s what happened. The high volume of time spent here was leading me to constantly rethink and question my … approach? WOE? WOL (way of life)? I dunno. It’s been a while ( a month or so?) but it created within me an uncomfortable mental and emotional struggle and I wanted to work it out offline.
Here’s the thing. I KNOW that *I* am at a weight that drove most people here for recovery. I’m not bragging about my weight. But, I am, believe it or not, proud of myself. Yes, at this weight, I’m proud.
It’s not the number for me. It’s getting through a day without binge eating - or any other disordered eating. It’s recognizing that I’m stronger and very comfortable moving, standing, bending and kneeling.
This may be a good time to confess to you all that, while I haven’t been ‘cheating’ on my WOE, I have been cheating on FatSecret with gardening. I’ve been bringing my yard, aka ‘my church’ (for those of you who have known me since 2012) back to life after about four years of neglect. So I’ve been very active with much digging, planting, and hauling. Oh my, that hauling. I have no easy access to my yard so everything has to be hauled from my car parked on the street and all the way through my house to the back yard.
So that has been taking up a lot of my ‘free time’ during the daylight hours because I am so compulsive that I want to undo years of neglect in a single weekend. Two weekends at most.
Kind of like weight loss, huh? While I certainly didn’t gain the weight overnight or over one week, I’ve always wanted to lose it that quickly. But it’s just not possible. It takes time. Especially if I want the roots of this weight loss journey to be more perennial than annual. (See what I did there? Tied weight loss in with gardening? I crack myself up.)
But back to the weight loss. I’ve reflected on the wide gap between the RDI versus my actual DI. Although I’ve regularly, daily, consistently exceeded that RDI, I’ve still lost weight. Even though I’ve bounced up and down the loss has been continual for the past 12-14 months.
Yet, now I wonder if I do need to decrease my ADI to achieve more loss? OR, do I just accept that right now, for a while, I’m content to eat mindfully and accept the number?
This was what took me offline. Compared to so many ‘successful weight loss stories’ here, I was feeling like a slacker. A fraud. I had to ask if I was just lying to myself and whistling in the dark. Enter here your own line of cliches. I’m tired.
So my questions included things like, “what will 187 give me that 197 doesn’t?”, etc. Of course, 177 would be better. Better? You bet.
I’ve loosened the reins of my WOE a lot. I should probably adjust my ‘diet’ label as I haven’t been keto or low carb for a while. I’m not even sure I’m CICO as I consistently exceed the RDI.
And that, this relaxed, not frantic, not hardlined WOE, resulted in my feeling I wasn’t trying.
But I am. Day after day I work to undo decades of disorders.
Otherwise… gardening during the free time of the day; quilting into the wee hours of the night. In between, I did go see Jeanne Robertson ( and my friend Stick went with me - he’s no longer with his ‘Fluffy’ girlfriend). You saw the unexpected ‘Monster Truck Wars’ event. Sunday was ‘Greater Tuna does Las Vegas’ over at the Casa Manana in Fort Worth. I also experienced a virtual reality session and a few other things.
So, yeah, I’ve been busy. Active. Mostly content. Introspective. And thinking about how I want to approach the next three to six months of weight loss and eating.
Again, thank you for indulging me.
PS - no, motorcycle man did not return. This absence was all on me.
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89.4 kg
Lost so far: 30.4 kg.
Still to go: 7.7 kg.
Diet followed: Reasonably Well.
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1796 kcal
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Fat: 123.97g | Prot: 109.19g | Carbs: 92.72g.
Breakfast: Coffee, Cream (Half & Half), Coffee-Mate Sugar Free French Vanilla Liquid Coffee Creamer, Great Value Sharp Cheddar Cheese, Fit & Active 100 Calorie Snack Pack Baked Chocolate Wafer Snacks. Lunch: StarKist Foods Tuna Creations Hickory Smoked Tuna. Dinner: Mission Carb Balance Soft Taco Flour Tortillas, Great Value Sharp Cheddar Cheese, Mission Carb Balance Soft Taco Flour Tortillas, Great Value Jumbo White Eggs, Wright Brand Naturally Hickory Smoked Bacon, Daisy Sour Cream, On The Border Salsa Con Queso. more...
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steady weight
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